If nothing else…

this year has shown me how strong I can be when I have to be.
But it wasn’t (and still isn’t) easy.  A part of me wants desperately for people to understand how EXHAUSTING this has been (emotionally, mentally, physically). But I know that unless you personally go through this? You just can’t understand. And I have to accept that.
The “hard parts” are over. But this isn’t over.
I LITERALLY had a part of myself cut out, and we tried to recreate what we could with what was left.  I will never get that part of me back. And while I don’t regret my decision to have any of these surgeries to prevent the inevitable, it doesn’t mean this was an easy decision to live with either. I just wanted to cut out the shitty middle man (terrible pun is terrible). I was just getting used to the shape of the tissue expanders on my body. I mean I HATED them. But there was shape…. finally.  And I have to start all over again with implants. They’re nowhere near *settled in* yet. They’re still bruised. It’s going to be a long while before I can even get the scars tattooed over so I have to look at those all over again as well.

So no.  It’s not done yet. There’s still things to process, emotions to fight through, and a goal to reach.  To accept that I am no longer “whole”,  but to one day look in the mirror again and see a COMPLETE bad ass.

Wish me luck.

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