… but mentally preparing myself mentally that in a month we do this all over again. Except this time it should be easier. The expanders are settling… so *the girls* look a little better. But I still can’t really lay on my side (and I am a world class side…
It has been just under a month since my last fill. And I feel *almost* normal. I can get my arms over my head. I can sneeze without my entire chest feeling like one big contraction. I can cut meat again (that might sound dumb, but you don’t realize what…
Yesterday, I had fill number 5. As with every fill, I am finding myself regretting the reconstruction part. (That feeling always passes though). Fill day is filled with mixed emotions. I’m ready for another one, I’m not ready for the pain/tightness that comes with it. Today for example? Just holding…
I am definitely not one of *those* women. It’s been a day since my 3rd fill up, and if I am going to be completely honest? I HATE fill days and I hate the day after fill day. Who knew a couple of pokes and an extra 60ccs(X2) of saline…
…”they’re hard as rocks” I had my second fill yesterday. This time felt significantly more…. *tight*. Definitely more uncomfortable than my first one. And I cringe a little knowing I have to do this a few more times, AND carry these rock hard sacks of saline for another two months…
Every day is a little easier. The muscle spasms get less intense. Feeling “normal” seems more in reach… I have probably mentioned this after my BSO in January… staying still is really hard for me. I am a *do-it-all*… I take care of my house, my kids, my husband, my…
Today, I got two drains out. Still two more to go. But at least the ones I said adios to today were the more annoying ones. I can almost put my arms all the way down again! (Minus a little swelling). I don’t even know how to describe how HARD…
What day is it? I think it’s day 5 going on 6? I’m going to be honest… I fucking HATE these drains. My chest muscles are in a constant state of spasm, I can’t lift my arms past 90 degrees, I’m still weak as hell, and easily EXHAUSTED… but these…
In one week, I will be saying a final farewell to the one body part of mine, that humans are equally amazed by…and ridiculously offended by. NO, I don’t have cancer. (I’m doing this so I won’t). YES It’s for purely selfish reasons (I don’t want it). Yes, I’m nervous.…
my heart. We will get through this. And you will be better because of this. Mourn for them. It’s ok. They are a part of you. They helped nourish your children. They made you feel feminine. But don’t let the loss of them define you. You are still you. And…